If you've ever heard anything about pregnancy, you know there are three trimesters where you carry you baby.
The First Trimester is the time when a lot of major development happens. It's the time when the egg is fertilized, the cells turn into a zygote and start to form what will turn into organs in just a matter of weeks, and before the first trimester is over, that baby goes from a clump of cells to a very tiny baby. It's often the time when morning sickness is the worst, fatigue wreaks havoc, and you start to get sore in places you didn't even know could get sore.
The Second Trimester starts to pack weight onto the mother and the baby as organs start to work better, essential functions begin, the placenta takes over, and the mother's belly swells to accommodate so much growth. Many women are able to feel their baby moving at this point, and it finally feels real. Some say this is the easiest trimester, but even still, it leads the spiral into sore feet, sore back, heartburn, and the general discomfort of accommodating a whole human.
The Third Trimester is the exciting time where every day, you get closer to meeting your bundle of joy. Every day is another step closer to the baby being able to function in the world without medical intervention. Weight gain and fine tuning are happening constantly, preparing baby for the outside world. Swollen feet, aching back, sausage fingers, heartburn, dizzy spells; the list of symptoms is endless by this point as you're nearing the finish line.
Then finally, the Big Day comes, you go through labor and delivery, you meet your baby, and all is well and finally finished.
Or is it?
The strangely unofficial Fourth Trimester is the time after birth, the first three months and beyond where women are tossed out on their own to try and figure things out. It's just as difficult, if not more, than any of the other three trimesters. It's a time where women are often depressed, struggle to recover physically after the trauma of childbirth, and often are left clueless and alone after their 6 week postpartum appointment.
During the Fourth Trimester, you can easily go through any of the symptoms you experienced during pregnancy, and yet again they can be just as difficult to manage as they were during the pregnancy itself. Headaches, nausea, cramping; all things you're likely to experience. Your organs are shifting rapidly back into place, you're learning to nurse or getting up to make bottles all through the night, leaking fluids from all over. Add to that a new baby who needs you and the heaviest menstrual period of your life, and is it any wonder why you're suddenly feeling a overwhelmed and confused?
All throughout pregnancy, women are given ample aid for every issue; from people giving up their seat on the bus to doctors being quick to supply medications and childbirth classes. And for good reason; growing a person is arguably one of the most difficult and life changing thing a woman can go through. But as soon as those first 6 weeks pass, the help tends to dry up, just when a woman needs it the most.
I've heard it labelled as many things; postpartum depression and baby blues are the two most common things you're likely to hear. It's hailed as something strange; to feel sad, lonely, depressed, or in pain after birth, but that's pure foolishness to think it's rare. If, in any other situation, a person was suddenly to have a foreign object shove it's way out of their body, have a sharp and sudden change in hormones, go through the recovery and pain of either pushing said object out on their own or having a major surgery to get it out, and then have to have enough nutrients to make food for another person from their own body, and do all that while sleep deprived, I think we'd take their recovery and subsequent 'blues' a little more seriously.
Postpartum Depression (PPD) is different from 'baby blues' in that some women, especially women who were prone to Depression or had Perinatal Depression (Depression during pregnancy), have a sharper or more dramatic decline in hormones that causes a disruption in their already perilous mental state. Just like regular depression, it doesn't necessarily have to come from a specific event itself, and it doesn't mean that you love your baby any less. But just like regular depression, finding motivation, getting up in the morning, bonding with those around you, and caring about day to day events is difficult.
Baby Blues is the less severe version of Postpartum Depression, in that it typically doesn't last as long, but the effects can be just as severe. As many as 50-75% of women will likely get the Baby Blues, and up to 15% of that number can develop PPD. It can make bonding with the baby very difficult, it can cause resentment towards partners, friends, and family, it can even get severe enough to cause worse health issues, lower your milk supply, or cause other mental health issues to flare up or spiral out of control.
And do you know what we do about it? Often, nothing. After the 6 week postpartum checkup, a lot of lower income women run out of pregnancy insurance, and if they can't afford to pay for more, or don't qualify for state funded medicare or equivalent, they can't do much about it. Therapy is out of reach for a lot of women, and the taboo around PPD or Baby Blues is still insanely high.
So what can we do about it? We, as a society, need to do more to protect the creators of life who are at their most vulnerable right after birth. Be you pro-life or pro-choice, I think we can all agree that a mother's well-being is just as important as a child's. And we've done an abysmal job at taking care of Mothers after birth.
If you're pregnant, or recently had a baby, know you're not alone. It can feel incredibly isolating, even in a room full of people. But reach out to someone if you can, especially if you're showing signs of depression. There's nothing wrong with you, it's perfectly normal, and nobody, especially your doctor, should think lesser of you for struggling during one of the hardest times of your life.
And if you know someone who's recently had a baby, reach out to them. Ask how they're feeling, ask if you can help out with anything, and then follow through. Don't just ask about the baby, because even though they're important, Mom is important too, and it can be demoralizing and difficult when nobody remembers to ask how you're feeling when you're struggling. Learn the signs of depression and help monitor the mother for them; she may not realize what's happening while she's in the middle of it.
I personally have struggled with both Perinatal and Postpartum Depression (Perinatal being during pregnancy, Postnatal being after birth), and I blame a huge part of the Postpartum depression on the idea that you're supposed to 'bounce back' after birth. There's a huge amount of pressure on new moms to get their body back, get back to feeling like themselves, get back to being a 'productive member of society' instead of focusing on what's important; their health, and the health of their new family member.
There's no easy solution to the problem of the lack of support during the Fourth Trimester, but the first step is to know it exists, and that you're not alone in dealing with the symptoms. If you have the option, reach out to friends and family and let them know what you're going through, and check in on the pregnant and postpartum women in your life.
It's also very important to talk about it. Opening up about my own struggles with depression, postpartum, perinatal, and otherwise, has opened up avenues for friends and family to be able to talk about their own struggles, and it makes it a little easier to deal with when you know you're not alone. It can seem scary, but I've found that 9 times out of 10, people who don't understand what you're going through still do their best to be sympathetic towards your plight, and often do their best to then understand your struggles. Education begins with conversations.
The more open we are about the topics of Fourth Trimester struggles, PPD, and Baby Blues, the less taboo and scary they will become, and the closer we will get to finding accessible solutions for all women. And ultimately, we all just want a healthier space for babies and their mamas.
*Cover photo from Wix.com
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